Monday, 2 June 2014

Week 9: The social network of loneliness



Nowadays, technology allows for instantaneous exchange of information all over the world. Popular examples are mobile phones, instant chat messengers, e-mails and social networking services (like Facebook). We can communicate in real time with practically any other person that has access to them from anywhere in the world. Despite of how simple and efficient such a way of communication can be, it hinders the natural forms of contact. This leads to worsening of interpersonal skills that we need to possess in order to properly coexist and cooperate. Another major drawback is the fact that humans are social animals and we need the physical and direct (real) contact with other representatives of our species else we feel lonely and depressed. 

However without a doubt social networking services play a major factor of how we are perceived by other people. They are often used as a self-promotion tool, which anyone can access despite of our offline status.  

I think that the real problem lies in people’s false perception of being connected to others, the illusion that we are not alone, although the bitter truth usually is quiet opposite. I was born in the 90s and when most of the social networks emerged I was already in my early adulthood, so I had at least a taste of the period before everyone went online. I feel sorry for the 2000s generation who had no chance to experience that.

Here is a video on the topic. It went viral a couple of weeks ago so chances are you have already seen it:

And here is another interesting video covering the same topic:

Lastly in this article you can view the opinion on the subject of MIT social psychologist Sherry Turkle, PhD.

And as always here are some questions that I would like you to answer:

  1. Do you have a profile on any of the social networking services? If yes then how many of your connections are people you regularly talk to or meet with in real life? (rough estimate)
  2. Does this matter affect you in any way? Do you feel lonely?
  3. How often do you use any of the mentioned devices/services in order to communicate with others? Could you live without them?

27 comments:

  1. You proposed a little sad subject though very actual.

    I used social networks a few times. Some time ago my ex-wife created a profile for me in the site “Nasza klasa”. After spending some part of evening I stopped using that site because it did not seem to me to be interesting. I see I have my account on Google+. I do not know why I have it. Probably I clicked something during a registration process for this blog and it was the end of my activity on Google+. Nowadays I have my account in some date services :-).

    I do not feel too lonely in the digitalized world because I try to spend my time with real people. Every other week I meet a few acquaintances and we chew the fat. I play table tennis with other people. Sometimes I met with my colleagues after work hours. I do not have too many friends because of my rough character but generally I cannot complain for loneliness.

    I do not use social services for communication with others. Last year I celebrated twenty years of my Matura Exam with former classmates. For determining a place and time we used traditional phone calls and more “modern” e-mails (plus a survey on Google Docs). In the other cases I have always preferred phone calls. I had one case when I was disadvantaged by not using social services: my colleague invited me for a party and I was the only invited person who did not know when the party started and finished. It was announced on the Facebook in which I still have not had my profile.

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    1. The "Nasz klasa" phenomenon was the fact that it brought back nostalgia for the middle aged and elderly people. I had to make a profile for my mother too :) .I think it was more out of curiosity to check how your classmates established their lives.
      Google tries to encourage people to use their social network so they make it required in order to gain access to services that they own (i.e.YouTube and Blogger).
      Yeah it sometimes is annoying when people take for certain that you have a Facebook or other social networking service account and tell you that they will invite or add you to their friends list or some events. I had to create accounts just for that reason, but I don't even visit them, sometimes I even forget whether I already have an account and on which e-mail it is registered

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    2. Some time ago my acquaintance, who works for one of major my company's partners, asked me about adding him to circles in Google+. At first I had wanted to do it because I had not wanted to make a relationship between our companies worse. After few minutes I realized the worse thing would be adding him to my circles and not contacting using this method. Thus I have not had any friends in Google+.

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  2. Well, I guess I could answer all three questions with "no", "no", and "don't care", but let's be a bit more specific.

    I haven't really used any online social services and don't really feel the need to do so. I assume it's partially because they only became popular after I was already an adult and reasonably comfortable with my social life. If I was born few years later, I'd probably be caught into it and couldn't live without Facebook - or whatever is popular nowadays.

    Granted, I do have a Facebook account but I believe the only reason it's there was to access some "like this to get X!" promotion. Pure greed, basically, not a need for social contact. I still don't see the appeal and never even bothered to fill the profile with relevant data.

    Moving on to next question - no, it doesn't matter to me. In fact, I'm sure we all know that "online friends" are often anything but. Do they really "like" us or did they simply "like" that picture of our girlfriend in a bikini? Or maybe they were like me, and pressed the button because they were bribed in one way or another. Or maybe this nice guy who's my online "friend" is actually a creepy stalker?

    I never got the appeal and probably never will. I'm living just fine without any of those services, don't need them to communicate with others and don't feel like I'm missing anything. I could adjust if I "had" to, but would still consider it awkward and artificial. E-mails, Google docs or even plain old phone call - all that seems sufficient to me so far.

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    1. The "like this to get X" is usually a scam, don't fall for this :) .
      Apart from "friend" communication it is possible to subscribe to various groups of interest where you can get updates on products that you like. Sometimes companies use Facebook and Twitter as the first channel on which they inform followers about their releases or additional content, so if you are a hardcore fan of something it is pretty useful.

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  3. Do you have a profile on any of the social networking services? If yes then how many of your connections are people you regularly talk to or meet with in real life? (rough estimate)


    I do not have a profile in the popular social network. I do not have time to constantly browsing meaningless nonsense. I do not know anyone who works in creation who would have such an account. If you have any of them beheaded media uses it to promote their own work and not a state of mind.

    Does this matter affect you in any way? Do you feel lonely?


    I do not have time to feel lonely because, I live in the real world. I'm afraid of losing touch with the real reality.


    How often do you use any of the mentioned devices/services in order to communicate with others? Could you live without them?

    Very often I use the highly specialized social media platforms to communicate while working on projects such as www.yammer.com

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    1. Maybe it depends on how you treat various things in your life. As you said there are specialized platforms that allow for faster and better communication within your working environment and you do use it as a tool to enhance your work. Perhaps many people use social media as a tool because their treat their social life just like another type of work.

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    2. *they treat
      I hate the fact that I can't edit my replies :(

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  4. Social networks are evolving very quickly. What used to be cool and something that everyone wanted to be part of yesterday, might be forgotten the next day when people move on to something else. I can't imagine where we end up with this in the future, but these issues are not an unavoidable situation. When we get bored with maintaining online profiles and many superficial connections, something new will come. So I doubt any of the current social networks will have a lasting impact on our society. I'm not convinced people are more lonely today than before. The videos even talk about never being lonely as if that was a realistic proposition. That just shows how far we've come with our expectations.

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    1. The social networks are an enhancement of our social needs. Technology simplifies and makes more accessible all aspects of our life. However our nature sometimes can't deal or comprehend the illusion that it is being shown. For the people that use them without any additional expectations, just as a mean of fast and simplified exchange of information between their circles it comes quiet convenient. The people that expect too much though and put emotion into it are the ones trapped in the illusion.

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    2. Yes, you're absolutely right. You made a good distinction there. I wonder whose needs are being acknowledged more: the first group's or the second? Looks like the first (fast and convenient), but there's probably more room for innovation with the second group.

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    3. I think that social networks know about the issue and try to habituate both groups through different solutions.

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  5. Do you have a profile on any of the social networking services? If yes then how many of your connections are people you regularly talk to or meet with in real life? (rough estimate)
    I have a profile on a Facebook but I use it rarely. In my case there is around 60%.

    Does this matter affect you in any way? Do you feel lonely?
    No this not affect me at all and I do not feel lonely.

    How often do you use any of the mentioned devices/services in order to communicate with others? Could you live without them?
    I use it rarely and I am sure that I can live without them.

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    1. I am glad to see there are people that haven't fallen for this illusion that the social networking services create. :)

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  6. 1. Do you have a profile on any of the social networking services? If yes then how many of your connections are people you regularly talk to or meet with in real life? (rough estimate)
    Yes, I have a profile on facebook but what people think about me is not my business. Therefore I don’t care about my profile – I am not publishing my photographs nor description of what I am currently doing. Sometimes I put there something but rather to communicate with others or to inform them that I am abroad for example. But I try not to load any special photographs from the places where I was or sth like that.
    2. Does this matter affect you in any way? Do you feel lonely?
    I don’t feel lonely but this question was on my mind recently. In general I am against facebook and sharing private stuff in it. I fully agree what was said in the first video. Its wonderful and amazing how the author described the problem. I really like it and can recommend everyone to see this video at least once to realize what and where is the problem.
    3. How often do you use any of the mentioned devices/services in order to communicate with others? Could you live without them?
    I try to be aware about danger carries with addiction to mobile devices and the internet. I try to use them when its necessary. But in fact, I have to use them too often. Maybe I am already addicted to them. I don’t know. But I am not going to bring my laptop nor tablet on holiday!

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    1. I agree, the first video poem-like format makes it almost an art. :)
      I must say I am addicted to the internet but sometimes I don't mind taking a break for a week or 2 and relax in open air. It is then that you realize you don't really need most of the things that fill up your daily routine to live a happy life.

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  7. We can clearly see that the way in which people socialize drastically changed compared to just 15 years back. I was born in the 80s and my childhood memories are a mixture of both the ones in which we run around, having fun at the open and the ones in which we spend long hours playing some computer games in my friend's house. I remember how tempting the idea of staying home was, playing games and later chatting with my friends on GG (that was popular then!). How many times I changed my status or blocked someone as I did not agree / was frustrated with the things they wrote - dealing with unflattering opinions is so easy using such ways of communication.

    I agree that face to face interaction gives you a lot more than the social networking services can provide. Nevertheless, I can also see a great benefit of having such portals. Funny to say that but many of the people I know had a problem with meeting others and a great deal of them found the solution in such social services.

    As for myself, I have accounts on many social services (FB, LinkedIn, Goldenline, Google+) but I do not treat myself as a regular user. I visit them very rarely and I only have my closest friends added. Moreover, I don't give likes to other people, nor do I comment on their posts, as I believe that if a person has something meaningful to say/show, he/she will not use these portals to do so.

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    1. Your childhood memories are very similar to mine although since I didn't live in Poland I was using MSN messenger instead of GG :) . During face to face interactions you feel not only the attention and presence of the other people but you can use more senses like touching, hearing, seeing, smelling all at once which enhance by a lot the whole experience.
      I myself use Facebook mostly to still keep some way of contact with people I can't meet because of the huge distance that separates us.

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  8. d1. Yes, I have a handful of profiles on the social networks like FB, Nasza Klasa or others. However, I make a very clear distinction between 2 separate classes of such fora. One, best represented by FB, is the general social net-place for absolutely everybody and I treat it only as a casual source of information - to get a glimpse from time to time of what is happening with some of my friends. The second class are the social networks organized around certain topic or idea. For example "Woliera", which I am an active member of. This is a group of enthusiasts growing pedigree chicken, pigeons and other exotic birds. It connects people with the same interests and facilitates exchange of ideas and news. In both cases I do not maintain any "virtual" contacts - I only connect with people I know in real life.

    Ad.2 Because of the way I use these networks (as described above) I don't feel that the "loneliness" problem affects me in any way. I just treat these for a as an easy way to talk to people I would talk in real life anyway.

    Ad. This is really a continuation of my previous thought. Since the exotic chickens is my hobby and I am a bit passionate about it, I do communicate very frequently with my friends in the Woliera forum. Because every one of us is coming from all over the Poland, the possibility to meet in net-space any time and have talks and discussions seems to me a great improvement over the old-time exchanges by mail or infrequent meet-ups. I probably could live without all this technology, but I would certainly miss it :)

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    1. I thought nobody is using Nasza Klasa anymore :D, also last time I heard about it, it changed name to "nk miejsce spotkań".
      Show photos of your birds if you have any, I am curious to see how exotic chicken look like. :)

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  9. 1. Do you have a profile on any of the social networking services? If yes then how many of your connections are people you regularly talk to or meet with in real life? (rough estimate)

    I have an account on few social media services but mostly I use Facebook. Since I started to use Facebook quite recently (less than a year ago) I don’t have many connections there (little less than two hundred) and I would estimate that over 90% I personally know and about 30% I meet regularly. I’m not into social media very much anyway, at the moment I’m using it mostly as a business tool. Most of my connections are business related.

    2. Does this matter affect you in any way? Do you feel lonely?

    I use FB and other social media very rarely to communicate with family or friends so I’m not seeking “friends” on the web. I guess this problem doesn’t affect me. Whenever I can I’m trying to spend time with family (offline) or doing my hobby with friends.
    I'm trying not to post any personal life stuff on the web.

    BTW, I think the question “do you feel lonely” could be interpreted as too personal, so I would not expect people to answer it…

    3. How often do you use any of the mentioned devices/services in order to communicate with others? Could you live without them?

    Just as a contradiction to the movie you presented to us, I’m not using them almost at all during weekends and holidays. I’m with my family then. Usually I’m trying not to check e-mail or social media during weekends, vacation or holiday – it gives me some rest…
    Sometimes I dream to have it all gone, but on the other hand quite often I’m happy that in few seconds I can get hold of some information that I need at the moment.

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    1. "BTW, I think the question “do you feel lonely” could be interpreted as too personal, so I would not expect people to answer it…"
      That's exactly what happened. Nobody will even admit if he does. :)
      Of course there are positives and negatives of instant information exchange, I think it depends whether the information we receive bring us joy or reluctance.

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  10. 1. I use social networking services practically only for contact with friends, practically I don't watch their walls. As regards to the second part of the question: If I consider country where I live in the moment, it's probably more than 70%
    2. The use of social networking services has no effect for me. It's just helps me with contact with some people.
    3. Everyday, but it's no problem for me and I can stop using them.

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    1. You can stop using them, but is it convenient? Imagine you apply for a job and give only regular correspondence address. It will look awkward and you might lose the position simply because of that. The society nowadays expects as to have a mobile phone and an e-mail, sometimes a profile on a service like Linked in or Goldenline.

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  11. 1.Do you have a profile on any of the social networking services? If yes then how many of your connections are people you regularly talk to or meet with in real life? (rough estimate)

    Yes I have a profile on social networking service. I have regularly talk and meet with many of people which I have connection in that social service because I have in my connection only that people which are my real friends I don't accept people with whom I don't have contact or I meet only once:)

    2.Does this matter affect you in any way? Do you feel lonely?

    I don't think that this affect on me and for sure I don't feel lonely because of that:)
    I use social networking very rarely because I prefer real contact than virtual:)

    3.How often do you use any of the mentioned devices/services in order to communicate with others? Could you live without them?

    I use that services very rarely only to exchange some videos or photos or to arrange meetings with my friends

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    1. The current virtual contact that relies simply on too few senses is far inferior to the real one. Maybe in the future we will be able to upload ourselves into a meeting place where you can experience all of the things you can in real life (use all senses). Then we won't really need a teleportation device since we will be able to recreate a place as a digital copy and connect with others in a form of a virtual meeting there. But that is still in the sci-fi domain, although there exist nowadays very simple precursors to it ( i.e. multiplayer games).

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  12. Definitely phones, instant messaging aggravate the way of direct contact with
    each other. I think the lack of contact between people leads to disease -
    depression. This is done through lack of contact between people. The
    situations are very difficult. Man is kept to himself does not talk directly
    with other people. Of course I have account on a social network, so that I
    have contact to nearly 1,000 people in one place. In addition to social
    networking I have also contact with other people. I'm not lonely. I think life
    without a phone or email or social networking site is not possible.

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