Sunday, 27 October 2013

Week 2: How to live with stress?

I've chosen this subject at the end of tiring week for me - probably too tiring. I would like to discuss with yours about stress.
I know that stress is a term defined in psychology: it is a feeling of strain and pressure. But I think that it is also such common thing that we can exchange some information about dealing with it without scientific knowledge.

At first please watch the following video:
http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend.html

When I was watching it I understood why people talk under a pressure :-).

Next let's try to discuss following topics:
1. What are the most typical stress factors (which may be described on our public blog) in your life?
2. What do you prefer: fighting with stress or avoiding stressful situations and why?
3. What do you do during and after stressful situations? Would you like to change some of these behaviors?
4. What do you do for relaxing yourself after a stressful day?
5. Referring to the video: what do you think about reaching out to others as a mechanism for stress reduction?
6. What do you think about Kelly's advice (given at the end of video) that it's better for your health to choose something meaningful than only to try an avoidance of discomfort? Please, describe us a situation when you  choose more stressful way than simpler one and explain us what caused your choice?

33 comments:

  1. 1. What are the most typical stress factors (which may be described on our public blog) in your life?

    First thing I just thought were family problems or work, other sickness, the other factors are less important for me.

    2. What do you prefer: fighting with stress or avoiding stressful situations and why?

    hmm I choose second one :) less stressful situation the I'm happier :)


    3. What do you do during and after stressful situations? Would you like to change
    some of these behaviors?

    I eat candy :) Not necessarily. Also, i think some stress is useful, it helps to concentrate.


    4. What do you do for relaxing yourself after a stressful day?

    Eat a lot of candy :) watch a move or go for a walk.


    5. Referring to the video: what do you think about reaching out to others as a mechanism for stress reduction?

    I am not convinced that helping others would reduce my stress. I most likely would spread it around.

    6. What do you think about Kelly's advice (given at the end of video) that it's better for your health to choose something meaningful than only to try an avoidance of discomfort? Please, describe us a situation when you choose more stressful way than simpler one and explain us what caused your choice?

    I am very sorry, but me english is not perfect :) and I don't understand what do you mean.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very thanks for your opinion.
      About the last question: I suppose that my English isn't also too perfect :-)
      I've just seen this video again. The fragment, for which I tried to refer to my questions is about 13:30. I put a link to presentation with a transcript in my blog entry:
      Chris Anderson:...if someone is making a lifestyle choice between a stressful job and a non-stressful job, does it matter which way they go?
      Kelly McGonigal: ...one thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort.


      Based on my personal experience I agree with Kelly. About fifteen years ago I had a chance for getting an interesting and good paid job but I didn't make an effort for getting it. I saw only difficulties like a potential conflict with studying, a need for a changing my place of residence etc. As a result I avoided discomfort.
      Ever since I've regretted that decision :-(.

      Delete
    2. Grzegorz I think that not only you make bad decision in your life:)
      I had similar situation when I had opportunity to go to England for PhD because I got scholarship but I didn't do that because I had good job in Poland and I was afraid that I didn't manage there.

      Delete
    3. I know, I know. It is sick to still think about situation which happened 15 years before :-).

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    5. I think many of us may regret some of the decision from our past but in my opinion it's not worth to worried about it. You cannot predict final outcome of these choices. Maybe you would have finished your PhD studies there but miss you family in Poland? Moreover thanks to these kind of experiences we can decide better next time

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi, that's interesting topic and nice ted talk. Impressive, how high influence on your lifetime has what you believe about the stress than the stress itself. If that belief on stress harmfulness can be a reason of premature death (compared with AIDS, HIV, murders etc.) we should learn how to deal with stress appropriately – not believe that stress has bad effect on health (because it brings opposite effect) but rather how to change the stress to be your friend.

    I think that Kelly’s advice at the end of video is the confirmation of what I wrote before. I agree with her that we should chose something that is meaningful for our life that to avoid discomfort connected with stress. When you know how to deal with stress, how to perceive the stress, then your life will become better and .... longer as showed the research.

    As regards the situations where I feel the high stress are conferences where I am a speaker. The stress forces me to prepare better and better to the conference that leads to reduce my stress. It also causes that I start to meet and talk to people about the conference that also helps to overcome the stress.
    If fact I observe (personally) that I usually feel more stress that the situation requires. It was usually not necessary. Do you have the same felling ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also feel stress before speaking. And I often also feel more stress than situation requires.

      My problem is that I'm a perfectionists and I try to do to many things in the best way in which I can.
      So I often try to improve something to the last moment despite given myself deadline before :-(.

      Delete
    2. I think that feeling stress before big speeches is completely normal and it cannot be reduce to zero but there are many techniques to reduce it. For example recording yourself using video camera brings really important observations and may improve your performance. Preparing good organized visual aids like nice crafted presentations can be really helpful. It's good to be perfectionist but sometimes it's better to simply let it go as prepared and put more effort to form of storytelling which fits public needs.

      Delete
  4. 1. What are the most typical stress factors (which may be described on our public blog) in your life?

    I stress about little, unimportant things all the time. When there's something important to stress about, I stress even more. However, I would not rise my hand when asked if I had a very stressful year. I'm sure there are people who stress a lot more and have good reasons for it.
    Stress can be attached to so many different underlying emotions. You can be tired, unhappy with something, afraid of something or simply unhealthy and it all falls into the category of stress. So my advice is to look for the reasons behind the stress and focus on them. It may take stress out of the picture.

    2. What do you prefer: fighting with stress or avoiding stressful situations and why?

    I'm definitely avoiding stressful situations whenever I can. But I do believe that repeatedly putting yourself in the same stressful situation, makes it less stressful after some time.

    3. What do you do during and after stressful situations? Would you like to change some of these behaviors?

    Yes, I become impatient and would like to change that.

    4. What do you do for relaxing yourself after a stressful day?

    I'd say sleeping is the best stress relief (easier said than done, I know).

    5. Referring to the video: what do you think about reaching out to others as a mechanism for stress reduction?

    Seems like an obvious solution, as long as you can find someone who will listen.

    6. What do you think about Kelly's advice (given at the end of video) that it's better for your health to choose something meaningful than only to try an avoidance of discomfort? Please, describe us a situation when you  choose more stressful way than simpler one and explain us what caused your choice?

    This reminds me that decision making is probably one of the most stressful things for me. I can't think of an interesting example of this, it's just general indecisiveness.
    Not being a doctor, I can't comment on what's healthy or not. My impression is that unhealthy people will tend to associate their health problems with stress, as opposed to healthy people, who will not have a reason to think this way. So I guess being unhealthy is a bigger source of stress, than being stressful is a source of unhealthiness, if that makes any sense :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some time ago I also stressed about many little things all the time. My psychologist advised me to not worry about situations which I don't have a significant influence (like politics). It works in my case :-).

      I also stress during decision making. In this case I try to introduce the way described by you in second point: I try to make more decisions and not to delegate them to other coworkers.

      Delete
  5. It will be shorter if I will not copy these questions, so..

    You know... for me is many reasons to stress. For example if i have deadline in my work, difficult or bad family situation. Also, I guess that main reason not only for me but for many of us is difficult or complicated exams in school.

    Honestly... personally i like very much situations with "stress" because this can help me to realize goals. I get more adrenaline and power to finish/realize my targets. So as you can see i prefer not fighting and avoiding - this is my answer for your second question.

    What I'm doing during stress? Nothing... ok perhaps something but this is a long story. Maybe if we meet other day I will tell you.

    About relaxing... I said before that I like situations with stress, so i don't think in this range like you wrote here. I play with stress... really.

    This movie is very nice. How could I say otherwise like she said - but i watched only second half, sorry ;)
    Stress is already my friend. I have very difficult work, many things to do in the future, phd studies so i don't have time to argue with stress.

    I hope you'll like my answers, have a nice evening!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please relax and watch funny stress situations ;)
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzIQOQGKeyI

      Delete
    2. Referring to your video - I've never destroyed my computer yet but I quite often stroke my desk by my palm.

      Probably from that cause I had to visit a surgeon, but only once :-).

      Delete
    3. Sometimes really loud curse may help a lot without destroying anything ;)

      Delete
    4. You're right, sometimes helps ;)

      Delete
  6. 1. What are the most typical stress factors (which may be described on our public blog) in your life?
    For me is many reason for stress for example I stress when I have difficult exam or when I get difficult project at work.

    2. What do you prefer: fighting with stress or avoiding stressful situations and why?
    Some times a go I was trying to avoid stressful situation but now I learn how to use stress for motivation.
    3. What do you do during and after stressful situations? Would you like to change some of these behaviors?
    I try to come down and relax I try to find reason of stress and solve it
    4. What do you do for relaxing yourself after a stressful day?
    I go to gym or I play on PS3 or I meeting with friends
    5. Referring to the video: what do you think about reaching out to others as a mechanism for stress reduction?
    This is good solution always is better to talk with someone who want to listen than keep this stress in you
    6. What do you think about Kelly's advice (given at the end of video) that it's better for your health to choose something meaningful than only to try an avoidance of discomfort? Please, describe us a situation when you choose more stressful way than simpler one and explain us what caused your choice?

    I agree with Kelly that better is chose something that is meaningful for us rather than avoid discomfort connected with stress. If we don't do that and we will choose only simple solution because we want to avoid stress we can regretted that decisions in the future

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could you reference us any readings how to use stress as motivator?

      I'm interested in playing on PS3 as a way for relaxing. I don't have any console so maybe my question is stupid: don't you feel that you spend too much time before display when you use this method of relaxing?

      Delete
    2. I know people who came to be stressed out because they played too much ;) It could be so engaging that you will easily forget about you deadlines...so it's worth noting that playing on consoles is not the best choice for stress relief.

      Delete
  7. 1. Public speeches or presentations - in various forms. More generally, worrying about such things beforehand, while managing to do them without too many problems once they actually happen.

    2. I prefer to avoid stressful situation. I suppose it can be somewhat motivational in certain cases, but more of than not, it's simply annoying to me. Perhaps even harmful, with headaches and feeling unwell.

    3. Once the situation actually occurs, I'm generally fine. It's the anxiousness before that gets to me. As such, I'm not really sure what could I change and if I really want to bother.

    4. Sit back, watch a movie, play a video game. Avoid thinking about next day, which will have its own share of stressful situations, preventing me from calming down.

    5. I'm somewhat skeptical. I'm an introvert and don't feel very comfortable reaching out to too many people - and confessing to them about my own problem is even worse. There were few cases when I did just that and it worked out, but I tend to avoid it as a general rule.

    6. I suppose it is right for some people, as avoiding all stressful situation and always going for the easy way is bound to fail at some point - perhaps letting an opportunity slip past you, or finding out that for just a little bit of effort, things could have gone better. Don't think I can use myself as an example, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am also an introvert person. But some time ago I started to talk more to other people and - in my opinion - it improved my relations with family, company managers and so on.

      What do you think about people who avoid talking to others because they see it only as additional stress factor (or wasting their time)?

      Delete
    2. Avoiding talking due to stress - I wouldn't generalize too much. In some cases, people stress over trivial issues that could be easily solved by talking. Talking would be a good solution at the time and thus it's easy to criticize those people as "being wrong".

      However, sometimes the situation is not as simple, the problems are more complicated and just talking about them is making it even more stressful for the speaker. I can certainly relate to that and fully understand such people. Perhaps it's wrong to do so, but that's something you can only see looking back at the situation.

      "Wasting their time" is pretty broad term that can include far more than just stress, so it's a rather different concept.

      Delete
  8. 1. What are the most typical stress factors (which may be described on our public blog) in your life?
    Stress factors in my life are usually related to my work. There could be some public presentations on which my future in the company relies on, stacking up the deadlines.
    2. What do you prefer: fighting with stress or avoiding stressful situations and why?
    I prefer avoiding stressful situation as staying calm helps me to solve the problem with no rush.
    3. What do you do during and after stressful situations? Would you like to change some of these behaviors?
    I usually try to release some of the pressure by physical activity as sport or gardening and as it works for me I wouldn’t like to change it.
    4. What do you do for relaxing yourself after a stressful day?
    After stressful day a relax watching a good movie.
    5. Referring to the video: what do you think about reaching out to others as a mechanism for stress reduction?
    I think it is a very good idea to share your problems with others and release tension.
    6. What do you think about Kelly's advice (given at the end of video) that it's better for your health to choose something meaningful than only to try an avoidance of discomfort? Please, describe us a situation when you choose more stressful way than simpler one and explain us what caused your choice?
    I totally agree with Kelly’s advice. As an example I can give my hesitations with the university choice for my master degree. I could chose a small private school that could guarantee me degree without much stress and work but I had chosen a good university that I had to put a lot of effort to graduate.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Stress is caused by a stressful situations overlapping or lingering problems that cause irritation and frustration. Most universally in the today's society they are met causes of the stress: health problem, the problem associated with the job, surroundings people, isolation and loneliness, internal conflict's or suppressing emotion. Personally, I prefer the fight against stress. Sometimes it is very difficult, but some stressful situations are unavoidable. In the way I practice my emotions and mastering them during difficult situations. When getting to me stress training to deal with it in several ways: breathe deeply that is popular „three breathing deeply”, move and fresh air, bringing one's internal emotions under control. When I coming from the work tired out and finished mentally I'm trying to relax simply lying on the bed in silence and of peace. I'm pleased with the moment which is just beginning. Time for me! I try to relax and to unwind. The conversation with the other person much more conducive to relieving stress. It this way, unload their emotion and chaos that sits in our mind.
    I am most nervous before an important conversation or when I deliver my speech in front of more people. Then I use their techniques to calm down and I can work on.I know that I need to to deal with it because I will is not still time for a more stressful situation.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Stress is one of the factors that cannot be avoided no matter how hard we try. It's part of our everyday lives and we all need to face and handle it. In my opinion this is the biggest problem, as not many people are conscious of the fact that they are stressed and need to react accordingly.

    During her presentation, Kelly mentioned that stress is a reaction of our body that is aimed to improve our performance and motivates our organism to work better. I totally agree with this fact. Nevertheless problems appear when stress continues for a long time. I recently read a book in which prolonged stress is called a distressor.

    Personally, I like to avoid stressful situations (as this usually is a simpler approach, which rarely result in complications), but this is not always possible. Especially when we talk about the work environment.

    I also think that the way for coping with stress is an extremely individual matter. For me playing my guitar and some physical activity are the things that work best, but for many of my friend playing computer games or having a beer in the afternoon is the way to go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your hint for relaxing - playing guitar. Do you prefer playing "fast" music (like heavy metal) or more slow?

      Personally I have another method for relaxing after hard day in work. When I feel nervous and I return home on my bike I choose a mountainous road. Sometimes I stop at a hill and look at my city upfront. My previous problems seem to be then such small... :-)

      Delete
    2. That really depends on my mood, but my neighbours prefer my slow pace music ;)

      Delete
  11. Hi! That's my first post here, I hope it will make sense. ;)

    First of all, that was a great speech and I haven't noticed when 15 minutes passed – nice film, motivating.

    Answering Your questions:

    1. There are quite a few, but I'll describe just one – actually a lightweight. I feel some amount of stress when having to be somewhere at specified hour. And it has a positive side effect – I’m always on time.  I don’t like someone to wait for me neither I hate waiting for others.

    2. I don’t fight stress and I like when something is going on in my life – all the time. Changes are good(!) and stressful, but I like it that way.

    3. Usually I think it over. Sometimes it’s very exhausting so it would be good to just “turn off” my mind, which I can’t… Maybe I should try yoga or something?

    4. When it is possible I like listening to fast/hard guitar music or playing my drums, it can make all my “bad energy” go away after a while. But in general, it’s good to start doing whatever different just to stop thinking about particular stressful situation.

    5. “caring creates resilience” – that’s the sentence that made biggest impression on me. Probably it’s true and I would think that “caring for others” is one of methods to not to think about my problem, but start doing other and positive things. I guess it makes sense then.

    6. Personally I believe that we should have a reason to live, it easier then. So I’d rather do very stressful job that gives me accomplishment than just do whatever. Of course job isn’t ONLY thing that gives sense to life but one of most important. As for example – that’s why just few months ago I have quit very decent job at big corpo, moved to a startup, started my PhD and in few days made a decision to go to Silicone Valley (just for some time, not permanently) to expand business. Well I don’t know if it pays off, but I believe it’s worth trying!

    Once again, very positive speech, I liked it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Referring to your last sentence: maybe we should listen to motivation speeches when we feel exhausted instead of relaxing.

      Delete
  12. 1 If I care about something and is not going right then I'm stressed. I will not list here all situations when you really care but certainly I care about my English so I get stressed when it is Sunday and I have not yet published the comments on the blog.
    2. I certainly fighting with stress.
    3. During stressful situations I solve a problems (reasons of my stress) if it is possible otherwise I just try relax to get energy for solving problems in the future.
    4. I just do something not related to a source of my stress. So if I’m stressed at home even work can be relaxing for me.
    5. It is always good to share problems with a friend or family. If you talk out your problems you automatically become aware of the right solutions or at least you are sure that nothing you can do.
    6. I think is a good advice. If we want to achieve something we will probably have to cope with some portion of stress but avoiding stressful situations will make our lives a boring and worthless.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. 1. Stress factors in my life concern health and lives of my family members. Previously mentioned situations like for example public speeches are stressful but you can get use to it and reduce uncomfortable feelings after some practice. In case of serious illness of somebody close to your heart the level of stress related to this situation is much higher because there is no way you can help that person.

    2. It depends on the situation. First of all I definitely try to discuss it with somebody who knows me really good and get his/her opinion about it. Is it really worth to start fight? Maybe there is chance to get what I want without pushing myself into trouble?

    3. During stressful situations I try to figure out how to calm down. The best stress relief for me is a long talk with my family and analyzing what I've done wrong and where I could be better next time.

    4. After really stressing day I try to discussed it with my wife and play with my son.

    5. I totally agree with it. It's better to talk about it and see other point of view than keeping this inside and pretending that nothing happened.

    6. I suppose it's better to choose something which gives us happiness and accomplishment as final outcome. If it means that we have to fight for it - just do it!

    ReplyDelete